100 things about me, Part 1

I started following a new blog last week, Surf's Up Buttercup, because I also stalk her on Twitter. Also, because she is an interesting person and our interests often intersect. For her blog's first post, Laura listed 100 things about herself (or, actually 76 because she was late for church and also has time management issues). I was intrigued, mainly because I figured if I cut it up into lists of 20 I could get five easy posts out of that idea. And y'all know I'm all about easy. What makes this a little more challenging is that, as an extreme over-sharer, I've probably already used up all my good bits on this blog. I'll try to limit myself to unique things you have not yet read about me here or in my scandalous former magazine.
Fasten your seatbelts, kittens:
1. I don't floss. My dental hygienist loathes me.
2. I've never had a cavity. So there, hygienist.
3. I started wearing a bra when I was 9 after my third-grade teacher pulled me aside and told me I was "developing." At the time I was wearing a shirt that my grandma gave me that said "I never get lost because everyone always tells me where to go." I feel there is a profound, Alice Munro-type story in there somewhere but I haven't yet figured it out.
4. My parents almost named me Heather Nicole. *shudder*
5. I was not in a sorority in college, and I am extremely self-righteous about it.
6. I got married at 19 and divorced at 21, which played a large part of why I was not in a sorority. Seriously, those bowheads would have been scandalized by my Jezebel self. Instead, I had an apartment off campus with another divorcee. Stories for another time, as my Daddy reads this blog...
7. My mother used to babysit a boy a bit younger than me when we were kids and he called me "Teen Teen." How freaking hard is it to say Tina? I mean honestly.
8. I have severe girl crushes on Dita Von Teese, Mariska Hargitay and Michelle Obama.
9. I'm afraid of frogs and toads. Probably not phobia territory, but close. When I was a teenager my brother threw a toad at me and it hit me in the mouth. Unfortunately, it was not a Hypnotoad and I did not engage in Toad Licking.
10. I'm allergic to eggs but often eat them anyway, if it's something like quiche.
11. Last week I cut open my thumb using a winged corkscrew. That sucker cut out a good 1/4" of flesh from my thumb. It wasn't the sharp part that cut me, either, but the little corkscrew wheel. Who does this? And no, I had not been drinking.
12. I can't use chopsticks.
13. If you give me a plant, I will kill it. It doesn't matter what kind of plant, or if I try really hard to keep it alive. It will die.
14. I can't stand those "daily quote" kind of things. Say something original. Tweeters are so bad about this.
15. Do NOT send me an email forward, no matter how knee-slappingly funny you find it. I will delete it, complain about it if it's offensive, and consider blocking your emails from now on. Notice to Daddy: This does not apply to you, of course.
16. I love watching people fall down. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Once, my little sister was over at my townhouse in college and I was coming down the carpeted stairs with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. My socks slipped on the carpet and I tumbled down the stairs, clothes flying out of the basket and my limbs flailing for purchase. I didn't even see this and I think it's the funniest thing that has ever happened. My sister practically wet the couch.
17. My sister and I used to talk about poo a lot. We don't so much any more, but probably because she has two young sons and is probably sick to death of poo.
18. I love curse words. I refrain from profanity in most situations, but I have a few friends with who I can let my freak flag fly. Swear words are marvels of economy of expression. I don't use too many on this blog because I'm not out to purposely offend anyone, but sometimes, gosh darn it to heck, they just make more sense than tiptoeing around them.
19. I once had my picture taken with LL Cool J. I really wish I could find that pic. We look like a couple, for real. He smelled so good.
20. I'm a feminist. Women deserve equal treatment with men. Full stop.
Check back for part 2 tomorrow!