Are you as sick of me as I am?
81. My breakfast this morning was Nutella straight from the jar and a glass of milk. Breakfast of champions.
82. I used to eat Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch every morning for breakfast, so the Nutella is an improvement.
83. Royal is gone on a business trip to Orlando for the next three days and I am excited about having the house to myself. Not that I won't miss him terribly, but I can listen to 80s music and watch as much crap on TV without fear of him thinking badly of me.
84. I am going to work out today. I mean it.
85. I do all my own stunts.
86. I never thought that at age 36 I would still be living in the South. I like snow. I like cold weather. I don't like collard greens or fatback or even grits really unless they're baked with copious amounts of cheese. I don't watch football, collegiate or otherwise. I wear a lot of black and am sarcastic. I have always lived in the South (born and raised in Mississippi, moved to Alabama at 25) except for a one year stint in Germany. But besides my accent and my obvious roots here, what makes me a Southern girl? I feel lost here sometimes, as if my tribe moved on without me to a colder climate.
87. But here's what I love about the South: really awesome BBQ, the friendliness of strangers, that we have a grocery store called Piggly Wiggly and everybody calls it The Pig, that girlfriends are considered sacred. Who knows, maybe if we moved I'd be terribly homesick. It's possible I'd feel out of place just about anywhere.
88. I absolutely cannot stand the word "fashionista." Or anything with an -ista on the end, unless it is "Sandinista" and we are discussing the tumultuous regimes of Nicaragua.
89. Don't even get me started on "recessionista." Gag.
90. Almost forgot the most important thing I love about the South: pimento cheese. I could eat it every day. Jim 'N Nick's here has a great burger with pimento cheese on it that makes me almost want to whistle Dixie.
91. Royal and I have talked about living in other places, mainly the west coast. I'm drawn to rainy weather and good food, so Seattle or Portland seemed logical. I could also do Minneapolis or some quiet town in the Northeast.
92. I got married in a red dress and spike heels at the courthouse. Royal was in Army dress.
93. After our wedding, Royal offered to take me to the finest restaurant in town. I told him I was really craving chicken wings, so we had that instead. "You're an awesome wife," he said. I so know it.
94. Royal is an awesome husband, too. He has put up with my weirdo tendencies, depression, fits of rage (once I flung all the food I was grilling into the yard saying, "There, cook it your damn self"), utter silliness and crying jags. He never seems to get frustrated with me, even when I'm going over and over the same crap like I'm bothering a sore tooth. He listens and hugs me and tells me I'm wonderful. What else could I ask for?
95. Music I listen to over and over: "Howl" and "Rabbit Heart" by Florence + The Machine; "Heavy Cross" by Gossip; "Freeway" by Aimee Mann; "Maps" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
96. Musical artists I adore: M.I.A., Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Gossip, Talking Heads, David Bowie, Santigold, B-52s, The Go Gos, Annie Lennox, Zap Mama, Outkast, Nina Simone, Chaka Khan. Lots more, but these get the most play on my iPod.
97. I love flamboyant people. I am a pretty reserved person, so people who are completely out there and unafraid are my heroes.
98. There are lots of things I don't like about myself. My weight. My fear of rejection. My crankiness. My inability to bake a cake from scratch. I'm working on these things this year.
99. There are also some things I like about myself. My unerring honesty. How I can make my friends laugh. My love for animals. My compassion for people who have very little in life. I need to develop more ways to be a better person this year.
100. If there's one thing I want readers of this blog to take away from this about me, it's this: I am who I am. I don't put on a show for people, or pretend to be what I'm not. I'm not ashamed of my foibles and flaws. It's taken many years, therapy, lots of books and countless hours of overthinking, but I can at last say, "This is me, and I'm OK."
Thanks for reading!