Square pants

Let's be perfectly honest: Despite what Huey Lewis may think, it's never, ever been hip to be square. And I am hopelessly square. Don't believe me? The evidence:
*I listen to Billy Joel unironically. I especially love "Allentown," and sing along to it loudly and cheerfully, as if it weren't about a depressed blue collar steel town.
*I think Twilight may be the worst book ever written. And Robert Pattinson is not even remotely attractive.
*I didn't watch Titanic until four years after it came out, after everyone else on the planet had seen it. Hated it with a burning passion (although I thought Kate Winslet looked great).
*I've never watched a Mad Men episode.
*I don't have the slightest clue who "Kings of Leon" are.
*The Halls commercial with the mom and her son's roommate suckin' down on shared mouth drops makes me laugh every time, although apparently some people don't find it so funny.
*That last one reminded me: Can we stop calling older women cougars? It's insulting and stupid.
*Even though I use them -- grudgingly -- I absolutely hate Twitter and Facebook. But all the cool kids are doing it, so...
*All my favorite films were made before 1950.

I could go on, but I think my point has been made. At 35, I'm no longer considered hip by the people who decide these things and even when I was young I had the taste of a much older person (I've been a Pink Floyd fan since I was 6 years old and sang "Another Brick in the Wall" to my horrified first grade teacher. We don't need no education, indeed.) Of course, I also play WoW and watch cartoons, so I obviously have the taste of an older person who lives in her parents' basement.

I wish I could say it didn't matter to me that I am hopelessly uncool, but sometimes I wish I wasn't quite so contrary. I wish I enjoyed Lost as much I enjoy Mythbusters. I'd like to be included on the conversations about the latest music or whatever the hip crowd is reading (as for me, I'm reading Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. I think that might be cool in some circles, though). Sometimes, I'll admit, it's not even that I don't like these things or don't understand them so much as I don't want to, since that would make me a follower. I'm very averse to tagging along with something because everybody else is doing it or likes it. It's a stupid reason to not even learn about some things, and I think I veer dangerously into self-righteous territory when I sniff, "I don't watch vampire movies that don't feature Nosferatu and/or subtitles."

Perhaps the problem isn't that I'm hopelessly square, but hopelessly snobbish.