Is that your final answer?

This is what it's like to pick somewhere to eat in the Hatch household:
Royal: "What are you hungry for?"
Me: "Hmm... I don't know... What are you hungry for?"
Royal: "I asked you first."
Me: "Well, I picked last time so you pick this time.
Royal: Sighs. "How about Arby's?
Me: "Ewww, not Arby's."
Royal: "Mexican?
Me: "Had it for lunch."
Royal: "Hamburger Heaven?"
Me: "I worked out today, so I probably shouldn't."
Royal: "I can call Baker's and get a pizza."
Me: "Pizza feels so heavy. I don't think I want anything heavy."
Royal: Begins rummaging around in the fridge. "K. Let me know when you decide. I'm going to eat this block of cheese in the meantime."

A couple of weeks ago, we were debating a lunch spot and had narrowed our choices down to Tip Top Grill (we live just a couple blocks away, and it was a lovely day) or Mr. Chen's (I had just read Susan Swagler's review and it sounded delish). I told Royal to pick. He chose Tip Top, so I said let's walk there.
So we're walking, and it was kind of hot that day, and I was getting grouchy about how tight my pants were. We're like a hundred yards away and he says, "Why are you so quiet? Is something wrong?"
I say, "I really wanted to go to Mr. Chen's..."
I had to chase him down the sidewalk after he started walking back toward home in a huff. I told him I was just kidding. But I wasn't.

It isn't just food that is impossible to pick for me. We have had a plywood floor in our kitchen for three years because I can't decide on the flooring. Linoleum? Too institutional. Ceramic tile? I tend to drop things, so probably not a good idea. Wood? Too expensive. Cork? Ditto. Bamboo? Maybe, but I like the lighter colors and they look weird with our cherry cabinets. Then I'll see an article in one of my favorite shelter mags about these awesome new Marmoleum tiles and I'll think, "Maybe..."

Sometimes I imagine that this cycle will continue, until I'm on my deathbed. There, I'm surrounded by my nearest and dearest, who have gathered to see me into the great beyond (of course, I am dying quietly and painlessly, and I look fabulous). I will beckon to my husband, who, though still handsome and agile, will never remarry or even think of another woman because I was just that awesome. As he leans in, his face full of love, I will whisper my final words, "Tiger-stripe bamboo."

Drum roll please...

In my previous post today, I wrote that I would try to sit down and write until I found my purpose in life, as instructed by internet writer and reformed klepto Steve Pavlina. Here's what I've got so far (he says to list things until one makes you cry, so I'll stop on that one).

My purpose in life is:
1. Total world domination
2. To make people laugh
3. To make people cry
4. Enjoyment
5. Writing a runaway bestseller
6. Writing emo poetry no one reads
7. Writing blog posts no one reads
8. To serve as a warning to others
9. To make up for sins in a past life
10. To become one with the universe
11. To overcome depression and write a runaway bestseller about it
12. To be bigger than Oprah (not in that way, idiot)
13. To live a full, interesting life and die in my sleep (almost a tear? Er... nope)
14. To actually feel good about myself (we're getting warmer!)
15. To conquer my fears, become secure with the essence of who I am -- warts and all -- and to help other people do the same (hmm... think I'm on to something)

Ok, seriously, I think there might be some merit to this method. Once you get out all the crap, the snarky cliches and such, it's hard not to start coming up with good reasons. I'm just not quite there yet.

The purpose-less life

Yesterday's Oprah was about the four "blue zones" of the world, where people are more likely to live to be 100 -- and still be healthy and happy. I wasn't all that interested in the topic because nobody in my family seems to die before 95. I have a great uncle who still drives himself to his favorite fishing spots, and he's at least 99. I've got practically immortal genes.

Anyway, so Dr. Oz and his sidekick Dan somebody are listing tips from each of the blue zones: Eat a small dinner, get daily physical activity, drink red wine, blah blah blah. We've heard all this a million times from a million different gurus (including Oprah). But then they said something like "and have a purpose in life. A reason for getting out of bed in the morning."

What?!

Huh, a purpose in life, you say? This kind of threw me for a loop. I don't really want to live to be 100, but I can't fight heredity (although I am trying, with my sedentary lifestyle and eating nothing but white foods), and I certainly don't want to be miserable for the next 65 or so years.

I haven't ever thought about my purpose in life before. Until watching Oprah yesterday, I didn't realize I didn't have one (or that it was all that important, honestly). When I was little, my purpose was to get through school, so I could be a grown-up. At 20, it was to finish college and find a job. Once I got my first real job, my purpose (if I even thought of it as such back then) was to work my way up and have a true career.

But a job isn't a purpose. So what is it? According to Steve Pavlina, it's "the very reason you exist." That's kind of serious.

(Who is this Steve Pavlina? Well, his web bio states that he's "widely recognized as one of the most successful personal development bloggers on the Internet, attracting more than two million monthly readers to his website." But the best part is this: "Arrested for felony grand theft at age 19 and expelled from school, the full weight of responsibility for his life came crashing down upon him. In an attempt to overcome his out-of-control kleptomania addiction, he decided the best course of action was to go to work on himself." Now this is a guy I can believe in.)

Steve also says you can find out your life's purpose in 20 minutes. Yes, 20 minutes! And to think some of you are paying a therapist for this. Steve says to sit down and type out (or write, if you're a Luddite) what you think your purpose is. Once you get to the reason that "makes you cry," that's it!

As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I'm going to give it a shot. My next post will be my, hopefully short, list. And my newfound purpose in life!

Snippy lives

Finally! After weeks of sweat and toil, Snippy has successfully launched. There were some hairy, tense moments with domain mapping (now there's a phrase I've never used before). But after some sobbing at my computer at 6 am and some "pointers" from my husband — none of which helped, mind you, but he gave me somewhere else to focus my rage — everything seems to be working. Please check it out and tell me what you think.