41. I can type about 80 wpm.
42. I can barely write legibly any more, but I think this is a pretty common phenomenon among people who work on a keyboard all day. I wrote out a check today and it looked like a ransom note.
43. I watch a lot of old movies. 90% of my favorite films are in black and white. Colorizing black and white films is a mortal sin in my book.
44. I once interviewed the designer Betsey Johnson. Sadly, it was only over the phone. Still, she was as delightful as you'd expect.
45. My favorite colors are red and purple. I try not to wear them at the same time.
46. When I was a kid, I had a guinea pig named Caesar. Also, a raccoon named Rascal.
47. I think I'm getting asthma. The last few times I've gone walking in our neighborhood, I've gone about ten minutes and started to feel like someone was sitting on my chest. It was almost impossible to breathe in or out. Pretty scary. I sometimes get this when I walk or run on the treadmill, but it's not as bad as when I'm outdoors. Pollution? And no, I haven't seen a doctor about it.
48. I keep trying to become a vegetarian, but I can't quite make it stick. But I probably eat meat less than five times a month.
49. The best thing I've ever eaten was tortellini Gorgonzola at a tiny restaurant called Gino's in Neustadt, Germany (at least, I think it was Neustadt. Royal and I can't quite remember the name of the town). The owners were northern Italians and the pasta was freshly made. Wonderful cream sauce flecked with ham and (as the name implies) Gorgonzola cheese. The second best thing I've ever eaten would be the meal we had at another tiny restaurant, this time in San Gimignano, Italy. Lamb chops, local bread, pumpkin ravioli, a chocolate sampler and some local wine. Simple, fresh ingredients beautifully prepared. I was in heaven.
50. If I could live anywhere, it would be southern Germany. Gorgeous landscape, hearty food, proximity to all the awesomest European countries.
51. When I was in fourth grade, my teachers wanted to promote me to 6th grade because I was so far ahead. My parents let me make the decision, and I decided not to because I didn't want to be that nerdy girl. I still was that nerdy girl, just got to be nerdy among people I knew well.
52. I regret that I didn't do a semester abroad. Money was an issue then, but it would have been well worth it. My English major friends lived it up in London and Edinburgh without me.
53. Places I'd like to see: India, China, Morocco, Ireland, Iceland.
54. I'm a terrible procrastinator.
55. I have a recurring dream about this fantastic house in San Francisco that Royal and I are thinking about buying. I've never been to San Francisco, but it looks amazing in the dream.
56. I almost drowned when I was 6.
57. I fear public speaking more than death.
58. I loathe shopping. It makes me tired and cranky and depressed. Even if I go shopping with somebody else's money.
59. Sometimes I fantasize about going into politics, but then remember that a pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, anti-death penalty gal like myself would never get elected in Alabama. Also, there's that fear of public speaking and all.
60. As of this week, I've been laid off exactly one year. Sigh.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
100 things about me, Part 2
21. I am very nearsighted. Can't drive, watch TV or even read without corrective lenses.
22. The nail on my right index finger is stunted and won't grow past the edge of my nail bed. This has freaked out every nail technician I have ever been to. It's not like I have six fingers on that hand or something!
23. I can't stand Ernest Hemingway. Macho crap.
24. I have a weird fixation on fried popcorn shrimp. I will eat them until I'm almost sick. It doesn't matter if I just had them for lunch, I will eat them again at dinner. And again the next day. We never (almost) buy popcorn shrimp for this reason. Are they breaded in crack or something?
25. My husband and I watch a lot of animated stuff. Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron, Avatar (Last Airbender, not that stupid blue alien stuff), Looney Tunes, Fairly Oddparents, the usual fare. But a few months ago I saw my first Miyazaki anime and was Blown. Away. I have never been so enchanted by a film (it was Howl's Moving Castle). Until I saw Spirited Away. And then Princess Mononoke. And Nausicaa. I have the rest of his films in my Netflix queue. Brilliant filmmaking that is a pleasure to behold.
26. But my favorite film of all time is All About Eve. I can't even remember how many times I've seen this. It's just marvelous writing. Bette Davis is at the peak of her considerable powers and her lines are drenched in acid. Funny, delicious bitchfest.
27. Daniel Craig is my favorite James Bond. Sorry, Connery.
28. I drive a stick, and most of the valets in this city are completely flummoxed by it. This is a source of some pride for me.
29. I am pro-choice.
30. I once made out with a boy who went on to get busted for smoking pot in the Mississippi state capitol building.
31. Royal and I have been married 7 years. We married each other less than three months after we met. My parents knew each other only about that long before they got hitched and they've been married for almost 38 years. I hope I can stand him for that long.
32. Royal and I are child-free by choice.
33. We have four fur children who are more than enough right now, thank you.
34. I am trying to be an optimist this year but it's still a struggle. I am a natural pessimist, and frankly I think I see the world more realistically than all you rainbows and unicorn folk.
35. I am much kinder to others than I am to myself.
36. I am much more tolerant of others than I am of myself.
37. In fact, I would say I irritate myself much more often than others irritate me.
38. I am constantly astounded by the kindness of others, and try to remember to pay it forward.
39. I am a horrible dancer, but I do it anyway.
40. I am a terrible phone person. I just absolutely loathe talking on the phone and will try to avoid it at all costs. This means I currently have several friends who are annoyed with me, but I really wish they would email me instead. Are you reading this, Robin?
22. The nail on my right index finger is stunted and won't grow past the edge of my nail bed. This has freaked out every nail technician I have ever been to. It's not like I have six fingers on that hand or something!
23. I can't stand Ernest Hemingway. Macho crap.
24. I have a weird fixation on fried popcorn shrimp. I will eat them until I'm almost sick. It doesn't matter if I just had them for lunch, I will eat them again at dinner. And again the next day. We never (almost) buy popcorn shrimp for this reason. Are they breaded in crack or something?
25. My husband and I watch a lot of animated stuff. Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron, Avatar (Last Airbender, not that stupid blue alien stuff), Looney Tunes, Fairly Oddparents, the usual fare. But a few months ago I saw my first Miyazaki anime and was Blown. Away. I have never been so enchanted by a film (it was Howl's Moving Castle). Until I saw Spirited Away. And then Princess Mononoke. And Nausicaa. I have the rest of his films in my Netflix queue. Brilliant filmmaking that is a pleasure to behold.
26. But my favorite film of all time is All About Eve. I can't even remember how many times I've seen this. It's just marvelous writing. Bette Davis is at the peak of her considerable powers and her lines are drenched in acid. Funny, delicious bitchfest.
27. Daniel Craig is my favorite James Bond. Sorry, Connery.
28. I drive a stick, and most of the valets in this city are completely flummoxed by it. This is a source of some pride for me.
29. I am pro-choice.
30. I once made out with a boy who went on to get busted for smoking pot in the Mississippi state capitol building.
31. Royal and I have been married 7 years. We married each other less than three months after we met. My parents knew each other only about that long before they got hitched and they've been married for almost 38 years. I hope I can stand him for that long.
32. Royal and I are child-free by choice.
33. We have four fur children who are more than enough right now, thank you.
34. I am trying to be an optimist this year but it's still a struggle. I am a natural pessimist, and frankly I think I see the world more realistically than all you rainbows and unicorn folk.
35. I am much kinder to others than I am to myself.
36. I am much more tolerant of others than I am of myself.
37. In fact, I would say I irritate myself much more often than others irritate me.
38. I am constantly astounded by the kindness of others, and try to remember to pay it forward.
39. I am a horrible dancer, but I do it anyway.
40. I am a terrible phone person. I just absolutely loathe talking on the phone and will try to avoid it at all costs. This means I currently have several friends who are annoyed with me, but I really wish they would email me instead. Are you reading this, Robin?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
100 things about me, Part 1
I started following a new blog last week, Surf's Up Buttercup, because I also stalk her on Twitter. Also, because she is an interesting person and our interests often intersect. For her blog's first post, Laura listed 100 things about herself (or, actually 76 because she was late for church and also has time management issues). I was intrigued, mainly because I figured if I cut it up into lists of 20 I could get five easy posts out of that idea. And y'all know I'm all about easy. What makes this a little more challenging is that, as an extreme over-sharer, I've probably already used up all my good bits on this blog. I'll try to limit myself to unique things you have not yet read about me here or in my scandalous former magazine.
Fasten your seatbelts, kittens:
1. I don't floss. My dental hygienist loathes me.
2. I've never had a cavity. So there, hygienist.
3. I started wearing a bra when I was 9 after my third-grade teacher pulled me aside and told me I was "developing." At the time I was wearing a shirt that my grandma gave me that said "I never get lost because everyone always tells me where to go." I feel there is a profound, Alice Munro-type story in there somewhere but I haven't yet figured it out.
4. My parents almost named me Heather Nicole. *shudder*
5. I was not in a sorority in college, and I am extremely self-righteous about it.
6. I got married at 19 and divorced at 21, which played a large part of why I was not in a sorority. Seriously, those bowheads would have been scandalized by my Jezebel self. Instead, I had an apartment off campus with another divorcee. Stories for another time, as my Daddy reads this blog...
7. My mother used to babysit a boy a bit younger than me when we were kids and he called me "Teen Teen." How freaking hard is it to say Tina? I mean honestly.
8. I have severe girl crushes on Dita Von Teese, Mariska Hargitay and Michelle Obama.
9. I'm afraid of frogs and toads. Probably not phobia territory, but close. When I was a teenager my brother threw a toad at me and it hit me in the mouth. Unfortunately, it was not a Hypnotoad and I did not engage in Toad Licking.
10. I'm allergic to eggs but often eat them anyway, if it's something like quiche.
11. Last week I cut open my thumb using a winged corkscrew. That sucker cut out a good 1/4" of flesh from my thumb. It wasn't the sharp part that cut me, either, but the little corkscrew wheel. Who does this? And no, I had not been drinking.
12. I can't use chopsticks.
13. If you give me a plant, I will kill it. It doesn't matter what kind of plant, or if I try really hard to keep it alive. It will die.
14. I can't stand those "daily quote" kind of things. Say something original. Tweeters are so bad about this.
15. Do NOT send me an email forward, no matter how knee-slappingly funny you find it. I will delete it, complain about it if it's offensive, and consider blocking your emails from now on. Notice to Daddy: This does not apply to you, of course.
16. I love watching people fall down. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Once, my little sister was over at my townhouse in college and I was coming down the carpeted stairs with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. My socks slipped on the carpet and I tumbled down the stairs, clothes flying out of the basket and my limbs flailing for purchase. I didn't even see this and I think it's the funniest thing that has ever happened. My sister practically wet the couch.
17. My sister and I used to talk about poo a lot. We don't so much any more, but probably because she has two young sons and is probably sick to death of poo.
18. I love curse words. I refrain from profanity in most situations, but I have a few friends with who I can let my freak flag fly. Swear words are marvels of economy of expression. I don't use too many on this blog because I'm not out to purposely offend anyone, but sometimes, gosh darn it to heck, they just make more sense than tiptoeing around them.
19. I once had my picture taken with LL Cool J. I really wish I could find that pic. We look like a couple, for real. He smelled so good.
20. I'm a feminist. Women deserve equal treatment with men. Full stop.
Check back for part 2 tomorrow!
Fasten your seatbelts, kittens:
1. I don't floss. My dental hygienist loathes me.
2. I've never had a cavity. So there, hygienist.
3. I started wearing a bra when I was 9 after my third-grade teacher pulled me aside and told me I was "developing." At the time I was wearing a shirt that my grandma gave me that said "I never get lost because everyone always tells me where to go." I feel there is a profound, Alice Munro-type story in there somewhere but I haven't yet figured it out.
4. My parents almost named me Heather Nicole. *shudder*
5. I was not in a sorority in college, and I am extremely self-righteous about it.
6. I got married at 19 and divorced at 21, which played a large part of why I was not in a sorority. Seriously, those bowheads would have been scandalized by my Jezebel self. Instead, I had an apartment off campus with another divorcee. Stories for another time, as my Daddy reads this blog...
7. My mother used to babysit a boy a bit younger than me when we were kids and he called me "Teen Teen." How freaking hard is it to say Tina? I mean honestly.
8. I have severe girl crushes on Dita Von Teese, Mariska Hargitay and Michelle Obama.
9. I'm afraid of frogs and toads. Probably not phobia territory, but close. When I was a teenager my brother threw a toad at me and it hit me in the mouth. Unfortunately, it was not a Hypnotoad and I did not engage in Toad Licking.
10. I'm allergic to eggs but often eat them anyway, if it's something like quiche.
11. Last week I cut open my thumb using a winged corkscrew. That sucker cut out a good 1/4" of flesh from my thumb. It wasn't the sharp part that cut me, either, but the little corkscrew wheel. Who does this? And no, I had not been drinking.
12. I can't use chopsticks.
13. If you give me a plant, I will kill it. It doesn't matter what kind of plant, or if I try really hard to keep it alive. It will die.
14. I can't stand those "daily quote" kind of things. Say something original. Tweeters are so bad about this.
15. Do NOT send me an email forward, no matter how knee-slappingly funny you find it. I will delete it, complain about it if it's offensive, and consider blocking your emails from now on. Notice to Daddy: This does not apply to you, of course.
16. I love watching people fall down. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Once, my little sister was over at my townhouse in college and I was coming down the carpeted stairs with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. My socks slipped on the carpet and I tumbled down the stairs, clothes flying out of the basket and my limbs flailing for purchase. I didn't even see this and I think it's the funniest thing that has ever happened. My sister practically wet the couch.
17. My sister and I used to talk about poo a lot. We don't so much any more, but probably because she has two young sons and is probably sick to death of poo.
18. I love curse words. I refrain from profanity in most situations, but I have a few friends with who I can let my freak flag fly. Swear words are marvels of economy of expression. I don't use too many on this blog because I'm not out to purposely offend anyone, but sometimes, gosh darn it to heck, they just make more sense than tiptoeing around them.
19. I once had my picture taken with LL Cool J. I really wish I could find that pic. We look like a couple, for real. He smelled so good.
20. I'm a feminist. Women deserve equal treatment with men. Full stop.
Check back for part 2 tomorrow!
Six Word Memoir possiblities
Just got a cryptic email from my husband that said, "Can u write 6 word memoir 4 ur blog." (Hmm... What is he up to today?) I don't think I have anything as brilliant as Aimee Mann's Couldn't cope so I wrote songs, but I'll give a few options a spin. Here you go, honey:
I am not making this up.
Maybe I am making this up.
Any minute now, something will happen.
Trying to get to just enough.
I just had the strangest dream.
I don't lie, I just embellish.
I know I can do better.
Read some really good ones at SMITH Magazine.
I am not making this up.
Maybe I am making this up.
Any minute now, something will happen.
Trying to get to just enough.
I just had the strangest dream.
I don't lie, I just embellish.
I know I can do better.
Read some really good ones at SMITH Magazine.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Another year older but none the wiser
Yesterday I turned 36. Birthdays are a bit of a non-event to me, so this day was not auspicious in any way, except perhaps for the fact that I feel like at this age I should really start to act like an adult. My daily breakfast shouldn't be a glass of milk with four heaping tablespoons of Nestle Quik, for example. It's time for whole grains and serious thinking!
So while playing Lego Star Wars yesterday, Royal and I talked about what we felt was holding us back from attaining true adulthood.
"Laziness," he offered.
"Oh yes," I agreed, "I don't think lazier people exist. I don't even bend down to pick things up off the floor, I just try to pinch them with my toes or just kick them out of the way. That's pretty lazy. The question is, how do you stop being lazy?"
We pondered this question while our Darth Maul and General Grievous characters accidentally killed each other on screen.
"Maybe we also need to do stuff that adults do," I said finally, "like play games less and watch CSPAN or read stock reports." We agreed that, although we do enjoy the occasional CSPAN interlude, we were unlikely to take this course of action.
Royal suggested a walk. It was a glorious day, so while we walked we talked about what exactly was wrong with us. We were always very responsible when it came to work. We both worked hard at our jobs (I do work hard as a freelance writer, I just make it seem effortless) but when we came home all that responsibility and effort came to a screeching halt. Cleaning the house was like getting an invasive medical exam to me, something that needed to be done but avoided until my life might actually be in danger. Royal probably doesn't even know where the cleaning supplies are stored in our house, so he's definitely not taking the lead in this. And it wasn't just housecleaning that we were letting slide, but house repairs and budgeting and saving and planning for the future.
We didn't get everything figured out on our walk, but did come to an agreement that a "just do it" attitude and doing things together would go a long way. In many ways, our shared delight in what might seem like childish things to others -- gaming, junk food eating, 14-hour sleeping binges -- has been a source of keeping us strongly tied to one another. I don't know anyone who I could play World of Warcraft with for 8 hours or watch back to back to back episodes of Spongebob with except my husband. While some may think we bring out the worst tendencies in each other. we like to think that we're helping each other keep that inner child alive and kicking.
And at my advanced age, I need all the childlike wonder I can get.
So while playing Lego Star Wars yesterday, Royal and I talked about what we felt was holding us back from attaining true adulthood.
"Laziness," he offered.
"Oh yes," I agreed, "I don't think lazier people exist. I don't even bend down to pick things up off the floor, I just try to pinch them with my toes or just kick them out of the way. That's pretty lazy. The question is, how do you stop being lazy?"
We pondered this question while our Darth Maul and General Grievous characters accidentally killed each other on screen.
"Maybe we also need to do stuff that adults do," I said finally, "like play games less and watch CSPAN or read stock reports." We agreed that, although we do enjoy the occasional CSPAN interlude, we were unlikely to take this course of action.
Royal suggested a walk. It was a glorious day, so while we walked we talked about what exactly was wrong with us. We were always very responsible when it came to work. We both worked hard at our jobs (I do work hard as a freelance writer, I just make it seem effortless) but when we came home all that responsibility and effort came to a screeching halt. Cleaning the house was like getting an invasive medical exam to me, something that needed to be done but avoided until my life might actually be in danger. Royal probably doesn't even know where the cleaning supplies are stored in our house, so he's definitely not taking the lead in this. And it wasn't just housecleaning that we were letting slide, but house repairs and budgeting and saving and planning for the future.
We didn't get everything figured out on our walk, but did come to an agreement that a "just do it" attitude and doing things together would go a long way. In many ways, our shared delight in what might seem like childish things to others -- gaming, junk food eating, 14-hour sleeping binges -- has been a source of keeping us strongly tied to one another. I don't know anyone who I could play World of Warcraft with for 8 hours or watch back to back to back episodes of Spongebob with except my husband. While some may think we bring out the worst tendencies in each other. we like to think that we're helping each other keep that inner child alive and kicking.
And at my advanced age, I need all the childlike wonder I can get.
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